Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Simon Says: American Idol Honors the Opry

Many of you may not know that Tuesday nights are extremely special to Stormy. No matter what’s going on, Stormy and her girlfriends get together for an intense and sometimes even a little bit risqué game of Scandalous Scrabble. However, when Stormy heard that American Idol was paying tribute to the world-famous Grand Ole Opry, Stormy packed her bags and headed to Hollywood!

First off, Stormy should set the scene for you. American Idol is like Nashville Star all hyped up on a double espresso chased by a caffeine-laden energy drink. The set is magnificent and everyone looks really pretty. And Simon, he has a tendency to spin around in his chair and peer at the audience. Stormy never quite figured out what he was looking for, but she winked at him nonetheless. Stormy has a whole new appreciation for Simon. Stormy and Simon, two peas in a pod when it comes to delivering constructive criticism with an acidic tongue.

Other interesting observations about the other judges. Stormy is not sure what Kara brings to the table, literally, nor is Stormy certain exactly what that dress is all about. Stormy uses a something similar to protect her barbecue grill from the elements. Did Kara get her weeks confused? Maybe she thought it was 80s week. As for Paula, she just gets sleepier as the evening progresses. And by sleepy, Stormy means “detached.” As for what Paula brings to the table, it’s cleavage. Right there for all of America to see. Last but not least, Randy. Oh, Stormy has a whole new vocabulary, dawg, check it out! Dude, that’s dope! Just keepin' it real!

Well, Ryan Seacrest hit the stage and Grand Ole Opry Night got under way with the eleven finalists. Opry star Randy Travis served as the musical consultant and mentor for the show. Stormy was seated pretty close to Randy and his wife Lib, but she never had time to stop by and pay her respects.

The show began with Michael Sarver singing “Ain’t Goin’ Down til the Sun Comes Up.” Well, kids, let this be a lesson to you: singing a Garth Brooks song does not a country singer make. And as for adding some Michael Sarver flavor to this song. Michael, please know that this isn’t the Dairy Dip, and you’re not ordering a chocolate malt with extra “Michael.” Stormy’s other favorite comment came from the obvious Garth fan at the judges’ table, when Paula said that the harmonica player added charm. Yes, Paula, it’s kind of critical to that song. Listen much, Paula???

Kudos to Allison Iraheta for tackling one of the lengthiest song titles in country music with Patty Loveless’ “Blame It On Your Lyin’, Cheatin’, Cold, Dead-beatin’, Two-timin’, Double-dealin’, Mean, Mistreatin’ Lovin’ Heart.” Stormy felt a chill crawl up her spine when Judge Kara said, “You really made that song your own,” Shade of Anastasia past. Stormy is still trying to decipher Paula’s comment, “ “Experiment with all sides of your vocals.” When judge Randy said “t was dope,” Stormy wasn’t one-hundred percent what he was referring to at first.

Did anyone notice the man, who Stormy believes to be Kris Allen’s dad, wipe away a tear from his eye? After Kris finished singing Garth Brooks’ “To Make You Feel My Love,” Randy declared it “tender moments from my dawg.” Check it out, dude! And what state of confusion was Kara in when she made the Opryland reference??? She was trying to sound like an informed country music fan, but, well, Stormy believes differently.

Right now, Stormy would like to declare her American Idol fashion award winner, Lil Rounds. Stormy loves her flare for fashion, but she’s not crazy about her song selection. Lil failed to give Martina McBride’s “Independence Day” the emotion that the song’s lyrics demand. Lil just walked her way through it, hoping that the big notes in the chorus would provide the big payoff. Well, check into cash, girl, if you’re looking for a big payoff here. You had insufficient funds in Stormy’s opinion. And Stormy ain’t havin’ it. By this point in the show, Paula was noticeably sleepy, but her cleavage was holding up.

Stormy was concerned, the minute she realized Adam Lambert had prettier hair than she does, not to mention his manicure. Country music’s Miranda Lambert could take this guy in a fair fight and then right a feisty song about it. In Stormy’s opinion, Adam suffered a severe meltdown on “Ring of Fire.” You chose “to give it a mid-Eastern flare.” Hmm, it’s not curried chicken and cous cous, Adam, it’s a country standard. You managed to render Randy Travis plum speechless.

Well, Stormy was excited when she heard Scott MacIntyre's name. Might there be room enough in country music for another MacIntyre (McEntire)? Even Randy was a little tentative during the coaching session, and rightfully so because belting out a Martina song is no simple feat. Least of all "Wild Angels." As Stormy once learned, "Wild Angels" is the devil to sing. But Scott gave the song new wings. Paula however, was less concerned about Scott's vocals (thankfully, she was still awake) and more fixated on the piano, venturing so far as to refer to it as a "crutch." Oh, Paula, you country music historian, you! Stormy feels compelled to introduce Paula to Phil Vassar, maybe Mickey Gilley, perhaps some classic Charlie Rich, then we'll talk.

It’s tough to cover a Dolly Parton song. Stormy knows because she’s tried it on more than one occasion at Krazy Karl’s Karaoke. “Jolene” is a heartfelt plea from one woman to another, begging Jolene not to take her man. It’s one song that you don’t have to dress up to take it to town. Have Randy and Kara ever listened to Mindy Smith’s rendition of “Jolene,” the one that Dolly said was sheer genius? Simon thinks Alexis Grace sounded too much like Dolly. Simon, no one sounds like Miss Parton. No one. Dolly has a voice of an angel; a voice that comes along once in our lifetime, Simon. At this point in the show, Stormy expected better commentary from you.

Danny Gokey went out on a limb (Stormy always says that’s where the fruit is, you know, out on the limb.) with Miss Carrie Underwood’s ”Jesus Take the Wheel.” First off, Jack Hanna called; he wants his jacket back. After Simon’s jacket comment, Stormy is delighted that she and Simon have similar fashion sense. Randy, that jacket was all shades of hideous. Now, Randy, were you just messing with Randy Travis’ mind in that little mentoring session? Because you had little difficulty hitting those high notes. Randy Travis was worried sick for you, and you not only went out on a limb, you climbed to the top of the tree and wailed like Tarzan.

Stormy has never claimed to be the end-all-know-it-all of country music, but she does think she knows the difference between a Willie tune and a Man in Black song. So it was a complete surprise when she heard not only Willie Nelson's name attached to the country classic "You Were Always on my Mind," but Johnny Cash's as well.  Stormy isn't saying the script writers are wrong ... but the only evidence she found of Johnny ever singing the song was on VH1's Storytellers and that was with Willie. She's not sure that constitutes giving Johnny credit for "popularizing" the song. Overlooking that questionable intro, Stormy felt that Anoop Desai just nailed the song. Stormy is a huge fan of this tune, and she’s gets nervous anytime anyone other than the Redheaded Stranger announces plans to sing it. It’s not easy, but Anoop will be on Stormy’s mind for a while.

Megan Joy’s bluesy delivery of Patsy Cline’s “Walkin’ After Midnight” was complete with a nearly full sleeve tattoo. Even though Stormy thought the judges unfairly milked Megan’s flu to her advantage, she still thought her performance was respectable. However, what was that little wiggle that Megan does? It was almost as if Megan wanted to tear into a little Irish jig. It being St. Patty’s Day and all, perhaps that was it.

By the time Randy Travis made it to his mentoring session with Matt Giraud, he must have been exhausted. Stormy would have been. And wouldn’t you know it, the last finalist had to put the fear of high notes back into Randy by announcing that he, too, would be performing a Carrie Underwood song, “So Small.” Is it just Stormy (and, yes, sometimes, it is) or do all male American Idol performers sound like Gary Levox? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, don’t get Stormy wrong. Aside from Matt’s performance, it’s worth noting that Paula has great difficulty with the word “authenticity” or she was just really, really sleepy at this point. But in the words of Randy Jackson, Matt, “You got it goin’ on!” And that’s good enough for Stormy.

American Idol and the Grand Ole Opry are a winning combination, dawg! Stormy’s got to run. Shopping to do, find some clothes that are dope, man! And a tour of the stars’ homes; check it out! Until next time, Stormy’s just keepin' it real!