Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Stormy’s Summer Fashion Forecast Sizzles! 

Nashville may be known as the Athens of the South, but let Stormy assure you, togas are so yesterday. Clear the catwalk because Stormy is simply purring with great fashion advice as all of you prepare for your summer trek to the country music capitol. So put the car in fashion forward for Stormy’s summer fashion preview, just in time for the Great Opry Drive In.

First and foremost, Stormy has a soft spot for polka dots! Stormy has the cutest polka dot headband. And since Stormy and Dina have been diligently working out and toning up for the summer, the headband, by the way, doubles as a chic little sash around Stormy’s ultra-trim waist. Don’t close the lid on that suitcase without packing at least one item that will have everyone seeing spots. To quote that soon-to-be jailbird Paris Hilton, spots are hot!

And speaking of spots, nothing is hotter this summer than animal prints, especially leopard. Meow! Before you take out those spiteful pens and compose a nasty little letter, that’s faux leopard. A darling little pair of leopard-print ballerina flats will take you from a casual tour of the stars homes all the way into evening when you sink your claws into a Grand Ole Opry performance (not to mention an Opry Dog from the concession stand). Stormy is planning to wear her leopard-print four-inch spike heels on June 9 when the fabulous Mel Tillis is inducted into the Opry family. Mind you: Stormy is not advocating these particular shoes for the fashion meek. If not strategically coordinated with the appropriate outfit, you’ll look like you belong in one of Music City’s less desirable areas in these shoes. Ladies, remember one of Stormy’s best bits of fashion advice: know your limitations. And when in fashion doubt, simply do what Stormy does. Ask yourself, “What would Jan Howard do?”

As Stormy prepares her summer fashion forecast, she’s seeing black and white and lots of it. Consider these two fashion staples the salt and pepper of a tasty wardrobe. Stormy assures you that nothing is more reliable or classic than the little black dress (LBD) or the white shirt. For those of you planning to attend the 2007 CMA Music Festival--and who among us isn’t?--a white shirt is refreshingly light and airy and it showcases that spray-on tan that you know you’re going to get. While in Nashville, you’ll surely partake of one of the fine dining establishments listed in the opry.com Star Café. Not that Stormy has ever engaged in such a far-fetched endeavor to see a country music star, but Music City restaurants are actually great places to star gaze, so what better time to be perfectly attired in a LBD? Girls, let’s not insult the memory of Audrey Hepburn, the queen of LBDs. Raise your right hand and hereby solemnly swear to maintain a respectable ratio of you and the LBD; anything less is simply scandalous and an insult to the LBD.

Another summer fashion must-have is wedges, and Stormy isn’t talking about lettuce. Will these shoes be comfy as you hoof it all over Music City taking in the sights? No. For once, leave the sneakers at home and suffer if you must. If Dolly Parton can suffer in silence while wearing those fabulous five-inch stilettos, can’t we girls push through the pain? And Stormy believes that the poet of the common man, Mr. Merle Haggard, says it best when he sings “leather boots are still in style for manly footwear.” Cowboy boots are perfect womanly footwear as well and not just for those planning to kick up some dust at the Wildhorse Saloon. And they aren’t just for cowboys. Oh, no. Good boots, good jeans, and a t-shirt and you’re ready to hit the town. And if you happen upon a good looking cowboy in the process, Stormy congratulates you in advance.

DukeFest is just around the corner, and soon droves of Cooter fans will descend upon Music City like junebugs on clover. Now, that’s a simile uncharacteristic of Stormy, but Stormy has been closely following the phenomenon that is DukeFest. Personally, Stormy has never seen an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard, but apparently thousands upon thousands of you use this event as an excuse to dust off your Daisy Dukes, and by that Stormy means your denim cutoffs not your Catherine Bachs. If Stormy may impart one bit of fashion wisdom upon you, let her tell you that Daisy Dukes are much like bikinis: only five percent of the world’s population looks good in either and none of that five percent attends DukeFest. Now, don’t think that Stormy is advocating Capri pants because Stormy has yet to see a woman whose figure was made more appealing and/or flattering by a would-be pant whose hemline rests too far above the ankle. Heed Stormy’s warning: for everyone’s sake, just make sure your Boss Hogg is amply covered before you venture out in a pair of Daisy Dukes.

Anyone who has visited our fair city during the summer months knows that June, July, and August can make the mercury boil. And the resulting humidity often times takes it toll on a girl. Since Stormy is not one to promote gender bias, let’s just say that Stormy has seen her fair share of gentlemen visitors who fought the Music City elements and lost. Visitors one and all take note: the best defense against summer’s heat is a fashionable offense. Particularly where one’s hair is concerned. Now, Stormy’s nosy neighbor Miss Fran has reminded Stormy on more than one occasion: “the higher the hair, the closer to God.” Unless you plan on attending a tent revival with meddling Miss Fran while you’re in town (and don’t think for a minute that Miss Fran wouldn’t welcome you into the fold because she would), Stormy suggests that you ladies with tresses prone to curl and wave learn the fine art of a classic ponytail. Or, and this pearl of wisdom serves both the ladies and gentlemen, arm yourself with an arsenal of products to shield your tresses from Mother Nature’s wrath. And for the follically challenged, use some sunscreen on that chrome dome. The last thing Stormy wants to witness is someone’s rebelling epidermis as it flakes off bit by bit.

Sunscreen and sunglasses go hand in hand. At least they should, anyway. But know how to make these two sunny-day accessories work in tandem. Apply sunscreen before you ever place a pair of sunglasses on. Need Stormy point out that there is nothing more unattractive than that racoon-like glow around the eyes of someone who didn’t follow proper sunscreen protocol.

You’ll need sunscreen if you’re wearing one of summer’s most popular styles, the halter. No, not the midriff-baring style that’s one step above a bikini top. Stormy’s ideal halter top comes in the form of a stylish top or a figure-flattering dress, both of which showcase a lovely set of shoulders. But Stormy must exercise three words of caution: unsightly northern exposure. You girls know what Stormy is talking about. Don’t stuff so much into the halter top that you look like you might need a bridle to go with it!

Go ahead, get that suitcase out of the closet and start making a list of what you’ll pack, and if you need help making that list, just refer to the Great Opry Drive In’s What to Pack page. And when you think there isn’t any more room in that travel bag, add a few more essentials just in case. You know Stormy’s secret, just stuff your unmentionables into your shoes. And pack plenty of shoes. And once you make it to Music City and you get ready to venture out of your room for that first time, remember the words of that fashion icon, Coco Chanel, “Take one thing off before you leave the house.” Or in this case the hotel room. And may good fashion sense prevail as you decide just what that one thing shall be!

No matter where you go in Music City, be on the lookout for Stormy, Nashville’s official fashion icon.