Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Stars Sizzle, Some Fizzle at 42nd Annual Academy of Country Music Awards! 

To recap the festivities, Stormy has taken it upon herself to award her very own “Stormies” for ACM participants.  And the awards go to:

Best Dressed Female:  Shania Twain, for making it look effortless from head to toe

Worst Dressed Female:  Karen Fairchild of Little Big Town, specifically for her performance attire, for making it look as if she gave it no effort

Best Dressed Male:  George Strait for making it look effortless from head to toe

Worst Dressed Male:  Rodney Atkins for making it look as if he gave it no effort

Green Award:  Faith Hill, for wearing recycled pants made from the sheets in her “Breathe” video

Best Tressed:  Martina McBride

Worst Tressed:  Rascal Flatts, collectively

Hottest Expectant Mom:  Kimberly Roads

Hottest New Dad:  Brad Paisley (women everywhere are lining up to check him for ticks; sorry Kimberly)

Coolest Moment:  Taylor Swift serenading Tim McGraw

Most Trite Moment:  Taylor Swift introducing herself to Tim McGraw

Most Shocking Fashion Moment: Gretchen Wilson’s Little Black Dress

Most Obviously Bored Audience Member:  Dr. Phil McGraw

Celebrity Who Most Looked Like Another Celebrity:  Dr. Phil’s wife Robin, who bears a striking resemblance to former “Will & Grace” star Megan Mullally

Viva Las Vegas, country fans!  Stormy is reporting in from the desert sands, where the only thing hotter than the pavement was the country stars who came out for the 42nd annual Academy of Country Music Awards on Tuesday evening.

How cool of Shania Twain to dash in on her private plane all the way from Zurich, Switzerland, just to introduce host Reba McEntire and present Kenny with his award?

As for the evening’s wardrobe, Stormy thought that Miss Reba was three for four, averaging 1.33 outfits per hour of the telecast.  Loved the black lace on maroon gown with the plunging neckline, loved the navy gown with the plunging neckline and loved the black gown with the high collar and plunging neckline.  However, the black satin tuxedo look really wasn’t that “fancy.”  However, the tuxedo look proved to be quite popular throughout the evening.  For their “March of the Penguins,” Carrie Underwood “Wasted” not a moment looking spectacular in her unique take on the black-tie ensemble, while Terri Clark could have found “Better Things To Do” with her wardrobe choice.

While we’re on the subject of fashion statements, Stormy gives props to the Opry’s own Bill Anderson, co-writer of Song of the Year Award winner “Give it Away.”  Bill was wearin’ the teal that makes all the ladies squeal.  He looked fabulous! 

Martina McBride simply looked precious, just precious.  She finally found a hairstyle in between the long locks that tend to make her face look drawn and the pixie-ish ‘do that sometimes looks a bit too harsh.  The new ‘do just showcases country music’s most beautiful set of peepers.  And what about Martina’s figure-hugging Marc Bauer gown of silver sequins with that exquisite neckline that needed no accessorizing?   It was a sparkling competition between the gown and her lovely eyes.   If that weren’t enough, Martina’s lavender Bauer gown that she wore the rest of the evening was uber elegant.  

Is now a good time to address Rascal Flatts’ hair?  Enough.  Let it rest.  Perhaps you want to take the Britney Spears challenge?  Clean slate, fresh start?  Do it for Stormy.   The worst hair in country music but the most beautiful wives! 

Stormy has often been concerned about the amount of aggression in some of Miranda Lambert’s songs, with all that burning and revenge, have concerned Stormy for quite some time.  For someone who was just named Top New Female Vocalist, could Miranda have looked any unhappier on camera?  Really, Miranda, you have the No. 1 album in the country and your first ACM award, all in one week, plus that adorable Blakey Shelton at home to celebrate with.   Turn that frown upside down, honey.

Did Stormy catch Album of the Year and Top Female Vocalist winner Carrie Underwood winking at rumored boyfriend Tony Romo?  Hmmm?  Thank goodness he’s man enough to hold her purse for her.  However, Carrie must have spied him rifling through her stuff because she took the purse with her onstage to accept her second award.

For Stormy, one of the show’s highlights was Josh Turner, who Stormy predicts will be our next country music superstar, performing “Would You Go with Me.”  Josh was totally rockin’ the gray sweater vest.  Now, Stormy’s dream would be Chris Thile of the now disbanded Nickel Creek playing mandolin on that song with soon-to-be superstar Josh.  It happens in Stormy’s dreams, now let’s make it a reality.

Dr. Phil needs to turn it up, the enthusiasm, that is.  Could he have appeared to be any more bored during that telecast?  Couldn’t the good doctor at least fake it?  For heaven’s sake, Stormy sat through endless commercials for Dr. Phil’s upcoming television special, which looks far more depressing than the ACM Award Show could ever be.

At this point, Stormy was counting the standing ovations but she stopped.  Stormy can’t tell if the standing ovations are sincere or if perhaps those folding chairs are just that uncomfortable.  She’s leaning toward the latter.  Oh, wait, we're standing up again.

Stormy is anxiously awaiting the new duets album from Miss Reba and friends.  For a moment during Miss Reba’s duet with Kelly Clarkson on “Because of You,” Stormy was transferred back in time.  It was 1999; Linda Davis was singing “Does He Love You.” Wake up Stormy.  Anyhoo, Kelly’s gown took a cue from Reba’s infamous red CMA dress, cut clear down to here (Stormy’s pointing to her belly button right now.)  Apparently getting that dress on, with all of its cutouts, took all of Kelly’s time and she was forced to neglect her hair.  Poor girl.

Kellie Pickler’s much-talked-about “girls” were on display last night as she bounced through the audience.   It seems Kellie wouldn’t confirm or deny to Ryan Seacrest earlier this week as to whether or not she is displaying some anatomical enhancements, shall we say?  Kellie says she got her hair cut, which draws attention to her other “assets.”  Kellie, Stormy’s going to need the name of your hairdresser, please.

Other random thoughts from Stormy:  What happened to Faith Hill’s vow to remain a brunette?  Hopefully, Toby Keith purchased the extended warranty on those dancers’ outfits.   Loved the moving sidewalk during Sugarland’s performance; when Stormy sings in the shower, it sounds just like Jennifer Nettles.  Vegas odds are 10-1 that professional volleyball player Gabrielle Reese could kick the butts of both Montgomery and Gentry.  Loved Brad Paisley’s wings-of-an-eagle t-shirt.   Where can those be purchased?  The Wreckers, we’ve got to get you some better outfits.  Stormy sees nothing wrong with hair extensions, Sara Evans, just make sure they are brushed.  Stormy saw horses’ tails at the Kentucky Derby that looked better than your ponytail.  Exquisite gown, though.  Vince Gill, those pants were obviously tailored to wear with cowboy boots, not those shoes you were wearing, which Stormy still is undecided on.  There’s a young boy out there right now who’s regretting having ever dumped Taylor Swift; wouldn’t want to be him.  Chris Young, our own little Nashville Star winner, did a fine job introducing that commercial break.  George Strait makes 55 look better and better; it just comes naturally.  And to think his middle name is Harvey!

Until next time, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing stars . . . award-winning country stars!