Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Stormy Warns Hollywood: Hands Off Our Country Hotties

After Oscar winner Renee Zellweger swooped in and snatched Kenny Chesney off the market without warning, Stormy has officially declared a moratorium on Hollywood infiltration within our country music family. Stormy can’t remember the last time she felt the sense of defeat that consumed her when she saw that May 9 headline announcing KenRen’s island wedding.

Actually, Stormy felt the same when Kimberly Williams fixed her baby blues on our little Brad Paisley. Suddenly, he’s gone faster than Stormy’s last royalty check. If their blissful happiness weren’t enough, Stormy understands that Kimberly not only tolerates Brad’s fishing, but Kimberly can bait her own hook. And lest we forget (nor forgive) Lisa Hartman Black, who single-handedly and effortlessly claimed the heart of Clint Black, leaving nothin’ but the taillights for the rest of us.

Believe Stormy when she says no one is happier than Stormy for Kenny and Renee’s newfound marital bliss (really, if you believe that, someone get Stormy her own Academy Award, please).

Stormy is drawing a line in the summer sand, and she double-dog dares any award-winning, silver screen-starring, my-waist-is-smaller-than-most-of-your-thighs, jet-setting actress to move in on Stormy’s territory. Namely, Stormy’s Top 10 Boys of Summer.

From washboard abs to come-hither smiles to luscious locks and all points and positive attributes in between, Stormy has declared the following Top Ten Boys of Summer--a.k.a.--10 Soon-To-Be Targets on Some Actresses Radar Screen--worthy of our collective attention--and sighs. In no particular order (but particularly hot):

Joe Nichols--What’s a girl gotta do to get a guy like Joe? To quote this curly-haired hunk of perfection, “the looks decent wagon didn’t pass him by.” He can bruise Stormy’s artichoke hearts any day. Although Stormy doesn’t typically frequent discount department stores, she’s more than willing to make an exception in Joe’s case. Stormy isn’t sure if it’s his dark, brooding eyes or his cannot-be-improved-upon locks, but Joe is simply perfection. Just don’t leave Stormy in Brokenheartsville, please.

Dierks Bentley--Is he the Rolls Royce of country music or what? Not surprisingly, this hottie once said the one item he could not live without is his sunglasses. Obviously, since his super-hot future is so bright, Dierks has got to wear shades! And this Modern Day Drifter resides on a houseboat, no less. Sounds like the Love Boat, and Stormy sees romance brewing on the Aloha Deck.

Keith Urban--The country wonder from down under! Not since the koala bear has Australia produced something so incredibly irresistible. Stormy designates Keith Music City’s own “quadruple threat”: rockin’ songwriter, rockin’ guitar player, rockin’ singer and rockin’ body. No one does that grungy look better, either. Keith, you’re Stormy’s better half. It’s a love thing.

Joe Don Rooney--After that soul-baring (among other things) “Melt” video, Stormy feels as if she and the rest of the female population already know you, Mr. Joe Don Rooney--and we like you. Is Stormy at all intimidated by Joe Don’s rumored Playboy Playmate of the Year girlfriend? Not for a moment. Oh sure, anyone can bare it all, but a truly captivating woman is found underneath a well-thought-out, fashionable ensemble. And designer bed linens don’t count.

Keith Anderson--How Stormy enjoys a new find like the one she’s discovered in Keith

Anderson. Brains--he’s got an engineering degree--and brawn--he’s a former competitive bodybuilder--all wrapped up in one talented package. Oklahoma has gifted us with so much, and now Keith. What more can we ask for? Well, Stormy would love to go pickin’ wildflowers with Keith, even if it’s simply a stop at the supermarket floral department.

Blaine Larsen--Find your list of Up & Coming Heartthrobs and add Blaine Larsen’s name to the top. Do it right now! Don’t worry; this baby-faced bundle of talent just turned 18, so he’s fair game. How often does Stormy happen upon a blonde-haired, blue-eyed hottie whose emotional depths exceed that of half-empty glass of diet soda? Oh, if Blaine is off to join the world, Stormy volunteers to be his personal tour guide. It’s a jungle out there, and Stormy is just the girl to help Blaine swat the mosquitoes of life.

Dwight Yoakam--Even though Dwight has squired a few Tinsel Town Temptresses in his time, his heart--like his music--is deeply rooted in country music. Now, Stormy’s girlfriends made her promise to warn potential family-minded Mrs. Yoakams that countless years of wearing those second-skin jeans may have inflicted permanent damage. If DY thinks he’s still a thousand miles from nowhere and a crazy little thing called love, Stormy is more than willing to help his hillbilly heart find its way.

Garth Brooks--You did not honestly think Stormy would overlook the second highest-selling recording artist of all time did you? Naturally Stormy is drawn to a man who insists upon referring to himself in the third person. Garth can boast that, among other things, he is the only retiree to land on Stormy’s list. Oh, what about Miss Trisha Yearwood, you ask? Well, if Stormy’s sources are correct (and you know they are), Garth hasn’t made a desperate housewife out of her just yet. There’s still time, girls, and the line forms behind Stormy.

Brad Cotter--It’s no error, ladies. Stormy did indeed mean to include Nashville Star season two winner Brad Cotter on her list. Women love a man who has plenty of free time on his hands. Who better than Brad to juggle career and commitment, especially since the former, well, you know. If you’re not climbing the charts, you might as well be walking the floors over someone like Stormy.

Jody Evans--It wouldn’t be the boys of summer without Stormy’s favorite, (with the competition behind us, Stormy can finally make a public confession) favorite Nashville Star season three contestant. Stormy was conspicuously up-close and personal at Jody Evan’s May 19 performance at Nashville’s Mercy Lounge. Have mercy! Officer Jody: Stormy is guilty … of love in the first degree.

Hollywood starlets, be forewarned: Stormy, on behalf of her fellow female country fans everywhere, has marked her territory. Move freely in Tinsel Town among your Brads, Toms, Ashtons, and the like, but, leave the boys of summer alone, to quote the beloved Coal Miner’s Daughter, “if you don’t want to go to fist city.”